19 February 2009


Panels from SUPERBOY #124/OCT 1965

Featuring Lana's first adventure as the INSECT QUEEN!
Every great hero needs an origin...

We're only two panels in and Lana's already hearing "voices". What's next?

I know if I grew up with Superboy, I would see this kind of thing once a week at least. Is it just me, or does this alien look like he could be Reep Daggle, Chameleon Boy?

WARNING TO OUR YOUNGER READERS : Never ever ever ever follow an alien back to his ship for any reason. Don't follow any flying, talking jewelry back to any alien ships either (I'm looking at you, Hal Jordan).

Lana Lang of Space Sector 2814 - Welcome to the Insect Lantern Corps!

Falling right to sleep after her exciting day, Lana awakens and hears a burglar downstairs; which she scares away with her giant, glowing butt. Why the burglar thinks this is a haunting I have no idea.

The next day, while playing badminton with Clark, Lana uses her new powers to heroically get the shuttlecock off the roof!

Later that day, Lana uses her powers again to, um, cheat on her homework? Apparently, Lana Lang knows about some species of insect that can communicate telepathically with its parents. We here at the Comic Book Confessional would really like to know the name of this insect species, but have this terrible feeling it doesn't exist (and it's not named in the issue).

This part's great. Even though Lana's mom thought-cast the homework to her, Lana still misspelled a word on her test.
The misspelled word?


Finally, LL decides she should suit up...

Take flight...

And horn in on Superboy's turf.

Later, while fighting some gangsters in a warehouse, Lana gets buried under giant carpet rolls and turns into a moth larvae to eat herself free. Awesome.

Lana keeps up her coveted secret identity for a whole two panels after this.
Hearing that the Leaning Tower of Pizza (no, really) is about to fall due to high winds, Lana decides that the best course of action is to turn into a giant caterpillar!
And then she goes to rescue the pizza place, right?
Not exactly.

Seizing the moment to finally prove that Clark Kent is Superboy, Lana spins a giant cocoon around Clark. Clark must break free by using super-strength - thereby revealing his identity as Superboy. Good try, Lana but...

Or maybe you could help the people in trouble at the pizza place, Lana...
Give her time folks; she's new to this hero stuff.
Of course Clark speeds off and saves the pizza place before the cocoon can hit the ground.

When it does hit the ground, Clark emerges with beautiful butterfly wings!?!?

I have no idea where the wings came from...I really don't.

That's it for Lana's first adventure as the Insect Queen!
Next time on Lana Lang, Insect Queen we'll look at her "novel-length" adventure in Superboy #127; introducing Bee Boy!
Long Live Lana!

09 February 2009



Text Page from SUPERBOY #127/MAR 1966

Since Lana Lang stars in this issue’s book-length novel, it’s only fitting that we devote a page to our heroine’s background.

Imagine being the daughter of a prominent explorer and archeologist - spending your vacations in strange, exotic spots all over the world! What could possibly make your life more exciting? What else but being the girl friend of Superboy? And all this certainly makes Lana Lang’s existence anything but dull!

Lana’s father is Professor Lewis Lang. Her mother‘s maiden name was Potter; her brother, and Lana’s uncle, is none other than Professor Phineas Potter, the famous eccentric inventor.

As a child, little Lana played with young Clark Kent, and sometimes witnessed his super-deeds when he was Superbaby; however, she was too young to realize he was doing seemingly impossible stunts.

Soon after she started school, Lana’s parents began traveling over the world, taking their daughter with them. Between trips, they returned for brief stays in Smallville, their home town; but it was not until Lana was in her teens that they came back for good.

It was soon after this that Lana first met Superboy. She immediately noticed his resemblance to her schoolmate, Clark Kent. (See Footnote No.1) Ever since, Lana has used every trick she could dream up to prove his identity. Being both inventive and impulsive, Lana has come up with some ingenious and, not infrequently, dangerous schemes. It has taken super-thinking on the Boy of Steel’s part to foil her.

Superboy did reveal his alter-ego to Lana’s great-grandmother, Laura Langdon, during a time-trip to 1876. (2) He little guessed that she would record this in a diary which her descendant, Lana, would one day find. The secret would have been out if Superboy’s Superdog, Krypto, hadn’t flown away with the page containing it before Lana could read it.

Lana became friends with young Lois Lane when the two met at Camp Hiawatha. (3) Neither guessed that, when they grew up, they would be rivals for the love of Superman. But a brief look at a time-scanner machine later showed Lana the future, when reporter Lois Lane would be known as Superman’s girl friend. The young red-head then concocted a scheme to arrange things so that Lois would not become a reporter. (4) However, her scheme backfired and Lois went on to study journalism at Raleigh College.

Lana’s efforts to attract Superboy have sometimes taken elaborate and bizarre forms. Once, with the connivance of Prof. Potter and a fake time machine, she impersonated Cleopatra. (6) However, the blue-clad boy spotted her imposture and took her into the past, where she met the genuine Cleopatra.

Lana once became a movie star when she was signed as the lead in a jungle picture. (5) Unfortunately, she soon developed a terribly swelled head. Superboy got himself cast opposite her and, to teach her a lesson, stole every scene from her. When the picture was released, it was the Boy of Steel who received top billing. But Lana got still better billing, where it really counted - on the cornerstone of the hospital wing which was built with her earnings from the movie.

Lana has met other super-heroes in her time. One of these was Star-Boy, of the Legion of Super-Heroes. (7) At this time, Star Boy had more powers than Superboy himself, due to contact with a strange comet. Later on, this wore off, leaving him with only his power of making things super-heavy. Discovering his secret identity of Thom Kallor, Lana threatened to reveal it unless he helped her in a scheme to make Superboy jealous. Star Boy gave in and took Lana to the 30th Century, where they faked a romance. Superboy was not fooled, though; and, with the help of a girl who was going with Star Boy at the time, he arranged for Lana to become the victim of the “Green-Eyed Monster.”

When Lana grew up, she moved to Metropolis, where she got a job as a TV newscaster with station WMET-TV. And, of course, she entered her friendly rivalry for Superman with Lois Lane.

As both teen-ager and adult, Lana has had super-powers. Once, on her birthday, Superboy got two packages mixed up and inadvertently gave Lana three capsules that could endow her with different super-powers. (8) Thanks to this goof, the Boy of Steel had his hands full for a while. Later on, he gave her flying power for a short time with a belt which transferred to her some of his ability to defy gravity. Another time, Prof. Lang brought back from Africa a remarkable belt which gave Lana super-powers when she wore it. (9) She became Gravity Girl; but she ended this career when she learned the belt made her invulnerable only to metals. As a grown-up, she once received super-powers via a blood transfusion from Superman, in order to guard her from an attempt on her life by Brainiac. (10) Before you tell us we made a boo-boo, let’s make one thing clear - Superman punctured his skin with one of his super-hard fingernails to give the transfusion.

But Lana’s greatest super-role is that which she enacts in this issue of SUPERBOY - the identity in which she’ll be back with more thrilling adventures in the future - the INSECT QUEEN!

1. “When Lana First Suspected Clark Kent.”
2. “The Three Ages of Superboy.”
3. “Lois Lane Meets Superboy.”
4. “The Girl Who Saw the Future Superboy.”
5. “Lana Lang, Hollywood Star.”
6. “Superboy’s Romance with Cleopatra.”
7. “Lana Lang and the Legion of Super-Heroes.”
8. Lana Lang’s Super-Birthday.”
9. “Gravity Girl of Smallville.”
10. “ Lana Lang, Superwoman.”

Here's a scan of the text piece as it originally appeared in SUPERBOY #127 :

This text article gives us a decent frame of reference regarding Miss Lang.
I kept all the spelling, punctuation and spacing of the original text (Spell Check was less than thrilled); the bracketed issue titles & numbers I placed into the footnotes myself.
Now that we're literally all on the same page, the Lana jokes will start coming fast and quick!
Tune in next time for "The Insect Queen of Smallville".
Long Live Lana!

07 February 2009

MISSION STATEMENT (The Only Serious Thing I'm Gonna Write On Here)

Hello and welcome!

This blog will be the home for my musings on (mostly) classic comic books.

I aim to concentrate this blog on the comics that make me laugh, with an emphasis on making fun of Lana Lang & Lois Lane among others.

I will occasionally review new comics that I think capture a certain flavor or tone missing in most of today’s comics.

The point of this blog will NOT be to gripe about “how bad new comics are” or clamor for a return to 60’s/70’s/80’s storytelling. I read a lot of new comics and there’s plenty of other blogs out there that bash the new stuff with far more venom than I could muster. So, if that’s what you’re looking for, this probably won’t be the blog for you.

If you think Superboy mind tricking pest Lana on a regular basis is pretty funny than this is the blog for you.

In closing, I am going to be upfront about being a bit of a DC boy at heart, but don’t worry - I’ll get to MARVEL soon enough!

So let’s fire up this Time Bubble fellow Legionnaires - let the crazy begin!

Svengali Lad